Get the Life You Want

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Overview

What this book is about

Get the Life You Want is Richard Bandler's most accessible and practical distillation of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), the field he co-created. Written for a general audience, it presents over 35 specific techniques for rapid personal change — removing phobias, overcoming anxiety, breaking bad habits, and restructuring how the brain processes emotions and experience.

Bandler's central argument is that most psychological suffering comes not from events themselves but from the way the brain represents and rehearses those events internally. By changing the internal "program" — the images, sounds, and feelings the mind generates — lasting change can happen in minutes rather than years of traditional therapy. The book covers the full spectrum from minor daily anxieties to severe phobias, addictions, and relationship problems.

Unlike typical self-help books, Get the Life You Want is technique-forward: each chapter introduces a concrete mental process the reader can apply immediately, with step-by-step instructions. Paul McKenna, who wrote the foreword, describes it as the most cutting-edge and up-to-date presentation of Bandler's work available in book form.

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Key Ideas

The core frameworks and findings

NLP is a technology, not a philosophy

— it's a set of tools to change mental programming, not a belief system or ideology

The brain runs programs

— behaviour, emotion, and habit are programs that can be rewritten consciously

Submodalities drive feeling

— the qualities of mental images (size, brightness, distance, colour) determine emotional intensity; change the submodality, change the feeling

Phobias can be eliminated in under an hour

— the Fast Phobia Cure (visual-kinaesthetic dissociation) collapses the fear response by changing how the memory is represented

Bad habits are just loops

— the brain is running an efficient but unhelpful pattern; interrupt the loop and install a new one

Internal state precedes behaviour

— the key is managing your neurology before acting, not analysing why you acted

Language shapes reality

— the words you use to describe your situation directly affect your emotional experience of it

Pain vs. pleasure propulsion

— motivation is driven by moving toward pleasure or away from pain; you can deliberately engineer which drives you

Anchoring

— associating a desired emotional state with a physical trigger (touch, word, image) so it can be accessed on demand

Timeline work

— mentally repositioning past and future events to change their emotional weight

Dissociation

— stepping out of a memory to view it from a distance removes its emotional charge

Swish pattern

— replacing an unwanted automatic response with a desired one through rapid visual substitution

Social anxiety and confidence

— both are learned states; the same techniques that install fear can install confidence

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Chapter by chapter — click to expand

§ Introduction / Core Framework ▾

NLP as "software for the brain"
How problems are maintained by mental representation
Overview of the change process

§ Phobias and Fears ▾

Fast Phobia Cure technique (step-by-step)
Applying it to fear of flying, heights, public speaking, spiders
Why phobias respond so quickly to NLP

§ Anxiety and Panic ▾

Anatomy of an anxiety loop
Interrupting the cycle
Replacing anxiety with calm using submodality shifts

§ Habits and Addictions ▾

Smoking, overeating, compulsive behaviours
The habit loop and how to break it
Installing replacement behaviours

§ Relationships and Social Situations ▾

Confidence in social situations
Dealing with difficult people
Changing how you represent relationship problems

§ Depression and Stuck States ▾

How depression is maintained through internal dialogue and imagery
Breaking the cycle with pattern interrupts
Building positive future representations

§ Health and Wellbeing ▾

Mind-body connections in NLP
Using mental states to support physical wellbeing
Pain management approaches

§ Success and Achievement ▾

Goal setting with vivid future imagery
Motivation strategies
Overcoming procrastination

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Practical Takeaways

What to actually do with this

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Use the Fast Phobia Cure: view a feared memory as a black-and-white movie from the projection booth — then run it backwards in colour and fast — to collapse the fear response

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Change the submodalities of a distressing memory: push the mental image further away, drain its colour, make it smaller — the feeling diminishes proportionally

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Anchor confidence: recall a peak confident moment fully, intensify the feeling, then press two fingers together at the peak — repeat 5 times to install the anchor

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Swishan unwanted habitual image (e.g. reaching for a cigarette) with a large bright image of yourself free of the habit

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For anxiety: notice where in your body you feel it, then mentally spin the feeling in the opposite direction to reduce it

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Use dissociation for painful memories: watch them on an imaginary cinema screen, in black and white, from the back of the theatre

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Install a propulsion system: make the current situation feel less appealing and the desired future feel irresistibly attractive at the same time

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Overview

Key Ideas

Contents

Practical Takeaways

See Also